Round 24 NRL Guest Preview: JESSICA SIMPSON

This week's special guest previewer is American singer/actress
JESSICA SIMPSON.
Last week's writer William Shakespeare said his heart could no longer handle the drama of the NRL...

Dragons v Broncos:
It's always hard seeing your ex with a new woman. That must be how the Broncos feel when they see Wayne Bennett with Saint George Illawarra. Not that I'm saying Saint George Illawarra is a woman - obviously he's not a woman because he's a saint. Or can women be Saints too? Well anyway his name is George Illawarra, so he's definitely not a woman.
I think the jealous Broncos will give death stares to Bennett's new flame and 'accidentally' spill red wine all over their nice white jerseys. The Dragons players will cry, have a fight with Bennett even though he did nothing wrong, and storm out of the stadium in a huff before the end of the match.

Tigers v Eels:
People say that I'm stupid, but they just don't realise that I'm famous.
Eels to win by whatever that number is that comes after six... oh yeah I remember - sixteen! That's the one. Er, I mean that's the sixteen.

Knights v Cowboys:
Last week the Knights were on the rebound after dumping Brian Smith. This week the harsh reality of ending their 3-year relationship will set in and cause some feelings of... you know, like sad kinda feelings. What's the word I'm thinking of? Dipreshan?
I don't say this very often, but Cowboys are more mentally stable. Cowboys are pretty hot too. They'll win.

Panthers v Rabbitohs:
You know I'm just a girl from Texas like anybody else. Well, like anybody else that's a girl from Texas at least. The only difference is that I'm also a famous singer. And actress. And TV personality. Whoah I'm more versatile than Craig Wing if you think about it... did you think about it? I did. But then I got distracted by Spongebob Squarepants and forgot what I was thinking about.
I tip Rabbitohs. (By the way, what's a rabbitoh?)

Titans v Sharks:
I'm scared of sharks. But I'm not scared of Titans coz they're the same as rabbitohs - I don't really know what they are.
Go Titans!

Warriors v Raiders:
So when you hear the referee yelling at the players, he's just miming right? He probably recorded all that stuff like 'DOMINAAANT!!!' and 'MOVEMEEENT!!!' before the match so that it would sound perfect and there wouldn't be any chance of stuffing it up in front of a live audience. Makes sense.
Like, toootally the Raiders are going to win.

Storm v Sea Eagles:
I used to think Buffalo 'wings' came from buffaloes. Then somebody told me Buffaloes don't have wings. Can you believe that? Pretty dumb thing to call them then if you ask me. Next they'll be saying Sea Eagles don't belong in the sea.
Storm by 2.

Bulldogs v Roosters:
Anthony Minichiello is cute enough to marry and star in a reality TV show about newlyweds with.
But that won't stop the Roosters getting smashed.