Round 22 NRL Special Guest Preview: RICKY PONTING

This week's previewer is Australian cricket captain and Tasmania's all-time greatest number 3 batsman without a moustache Ricky 'Punter' Ponting. Former guest writers Michael Jackson, Gordon Ramsay, Lleyton Hewitt and Brad Fittler have all been discarded after failing to tip the perfect round - League Larrikin demands results.


Panthers vs Dragons:
If Petero Civoniceva added just 5 or 6 more syllables to his name he could play for Sri Lanka. Apparently he's injured at the moment. I reckon he's just lazy - the Dragons definitely shouldn't let him have a runner.
Dragons by an innings and 147 runs.


Storm vs Cowboys:
Storm expected to be at this match, which will more than likely force 2 or 3 days to be abandoned and make a result difficult to achieve for both sides. I know the bloody feeling. Is the game being played in this puddle they call England or something?
Draw. (I hate England.)


Sea Eagles vs Rabbitohs:
They don't call me 'Punter' for nothing you know. It's because I'm a bit of a punter. See how that makes sense? Most nicknames are meaningless abbreviations like 'Hilfy' and 'Watto'. I don't bet on the NRL much, though - partly because I don't even know the rules, but mostly because I'm too busy being arrogant and stubborn.
Sea Eagles can still retain the Ashes... oops, sorry, I was just twittering at the same time and it gets confusing. I mean Sea Eagles can still retain their premiership. They'll win this by 4 wickets... points. 4 points. Ciao, Ricky (-:


Bulldogs vs Raiders:
Last year the Bulldogs came last right? Now they're ranked second? That's like Zimbabwe suddenly being good. Very suspicious if you ask me... go on ask me! Please. I think it's very suspicious.
Bulldogs to suspiciously win by 2 points with a last-minute penalty goal.


Roosters vs Tigers:
I was taught so much about captaincy from mentors such as Mark Taylor and Steve Waugh. Then I ignored the lot of it. I don't need tactical advice from anybody. Especially not old batsmen who weren't even as good as me, which is pretty much everybody except possibly Bradman. What does any of that have to do with this match? Mate I've never even heard of half these teams.
I'm going to piiiiiiiiick... Andrew Symonds! Okay Tigers.


Warriors vs Titans:
The Warriors are from New Zealand? Ha ha ha ha ha... They must be so crap. Why doesn't Tasmania have an NRL team? They'd be better than the Kiwis for sure.
Warriors to win... just joking. I love telling jokes in the slips cordon.


Eels vs Knights:
Everybody's talking about Jarryd Hayne and his fancy footwork, but does he shuffle around the crease just a little bit too much? Sure he's got a great sidestep but his front foot drive and back foot defence leave a lot to be desired in my opinion.
But the Eels wouldn't even need Hayne because the Knights have hit the wall like Mitchell Johnson.
Eels by 18.


Broncos vs Sharks:
I don't think the Broncos are playing that badly. The scoreboard doesn't necessarily tell the whole story. Yes they lost 56-0 last week but the conditions suited the Raiders at home. Brisbane can take a lot of positives out of the match. They weren't at their best with the ball, and the catching was perhaps below their usual high standards. To be honest there wasn't that much difference between the two sides. They will have a look at some options within the squad but I doubt any player's place is in danger and I'm confident this group of guys can get the job done.
All Darren Lockyer needs to do is crap on and on and on like this pretending everything is fine and nobody will realise that his team are playing like a bunch of girls. It works for me.
Broncos by 12. (Although obviously deep down I don't really believe that.)