Round 18 Special Guest Preview: GORDON RAMSAY

This week's guest previewer is celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay. Last week's writer Michael Jackson hasn't returned our calls...


Rabbitohs v Panthers:
You Rabbitohs are a ****ing joke! Get off your backsides and put in some ****ing effort you lazy ****ing pathetic ****ers. **** off.
Panthers by 700.


Knights v Raiders:
Did you know I used to play professional football before I became an international cooking and reality TV superstar? That’s proper football, not this s*** rugby nonsense. I was a great player because I’m ****ing great at everything I do. Fans would shout ‘hot cross, buns’ at me every match – not because I make them so well (even though I do), but because I was a winger that could always put in a hot cross and I have ****ing amazing buns of steel. My whole body is like steel. I could’ve been a Knight OR a Raider I’m that ****ing hardcore.
Ramsay 1 Knights 0 Raiders 0


Warriors v Bulldogs:
Warriors? Bull****. They couldn’t cut up a ****ing onion without crying, let alone cut up a defensive unit as tough as the Dogs’. If Steve Price was a real man (like me) he’d play for his old team the Bulldogs, his new team the Warriors, and his State of Origin team all in the same week. What the **** are Queensland and New South Wales? My state of origin was Cranky and I haven’t changed in 40 odd years.
I tip Warriors… to ****ing lose!


Dragons v Sea Eagles:
These teams are nearly as amazing as I am. Just ask Tracy Grimshaw. They are so ****ing good they will meet again in the grand final. Think I’m exaggerating? I don’t ****ing exaggerate. Ever. This will not only be the game of the season but the greatest event in the history of ****ing history itself. Apart from my new show, that is.
Sea Eagles by a dash of salt.


Titans v Eels:
Sprinkle the lemon juice and mixed herbs onto the pan-fried eel. Eels must be cooked thoroughly. Titans will be hungry and the eels will go down nicely.
Done.