This week's previewer is sacked Roosters coach Brad 'Freddie' Fittler. Last week's writer, Lleyton Hewitt, kept screaming "C'mmmoooooooooooooooonnnn!!!!!!" down the phone at us, so we had to let him go...
Titans vs Broncos:
Life is so unfair. The only reason the Titans don't sack John Cartwright is because he's a good coach. It just doesn't make sense to me.
Roosters by 8. What do you mean the Roosters aren't playing til Monday? How the hell am I supposed to get the boys sober after a weekend off? F***!!! Oops - I'll have to fine myself 10 grand for that.
Okay I'm fine... stupid fine... Titans by 10 ****ing grand! S***... that's 10 more grand. Kings Cross here I come.
Sea Eagles vs Knights:
I hate knights. Those long, lonely knights when it's just me and the bottle. And some random girl who doesn't recognise me when I knock on her hotel room door in the middle of the knight completely off my trolley. Yes it's the knights when I find my sacking the hardest to deal with. Knight after knight I have knightmares about where it all went wrong. If it wasn't for my loyalty card at the local bottle shop I honestly don't know what I'd do with myself.
The Knights won't go away... they'll win by 6.
Bulldogs vs Eels:
People keep asking me if I feel bitter. Of course I bloody do. I've polished off 6 cases of Victoria Bitter this week - what else would I be feeling? Well, maybe a bit of vodka as well. The Eels coach and players will try their hardest for the club they love, but it won't be enough. It's never enough. You rescue the club in their time of need, you give it everything you have and you bleed red, white and blue only to wind up stabbed in the back as if...
Bulldogs to come out on twist top.
Cowboys vs Panthers:
I wish I was Phil Gould. He's so much better than me. So is Brian Smith. Pretty much everybody is better than me. Do you have anything else to drink?
Boycows to wine. I mean win.
Storm vs Sharks:
Am I slurring to start my words?
I pick the Starks.
Raiders vs Tigers:
I don't want to be next unemployed year. I will end desperately up having to take work I can find any, like app... app... appearing on the Footy Show.
Roosters... Oh yeah forgot, they're playing not either this game.
Errr, Tigers.
Warriors vs Dragons:
So sudden of all the Dragons are sooooooo great and everybody luvs Wendell and Bennett Wayne is the messiah and blah blah blah. Well just see and wait what happens when apart fall they year next and last come! Then bloody Wayne won't so look smug will he? Aaaarrrggggggggghhhhhh!!!!!
Rabbitohs vs Roosters:
Sorry about all that I may have had a bit too much to drink last night. I've fined myself another $10,000 for bringing this preview into direpute. Anyway, the Roosters will be very well prepared for this match. The coach will not let the players be distracted by off-field dramas. A solid gameplan and disciplined defensive effort should be enough for the Roosters to... oh who am I kidding? I don't even know who we're playing but the Roosters will lose - obviously.
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