Round 17 Special Guest Preview: MICHAEL JACKSON

Written just minutes before his death, this will sadly be the King of Pop's last ever NRL preview...


Broncos v Warriors:
King Wally Lewis will probably be at this game so - as the undisputed King of Pop - I don’t want to turn up and steal his thunder. It could get ugly. Otherwise I was going to come along and check out wonderful little Stacey Jones. He’s small enough to be a child and I’ve heard he’s pretty much defenseless. Broncos by 10.

Dragons v Roosters:
This will be the biggest upset since my last marriage ended. Roosters by 13 (which is coincidentally both the number of Grammy Awards I’ve won and how many number one singles I’ve had. I’m amazing.)

Rabbitohs v Tigers:
They know they’re bad, they’re bad, they know it, yeah. I love a good charity case, but these teams aren’t worth the effort. Both squads need a facelift. Especially the Tigers – their outfits are way too black. Nil – Nil Draw.

Storm v Knights:
Billy Slater is… not my lover. He’s just a fullback, who claims that he’s number one!
But the kid is not my son. He says he’s number one, but the kid is not my son.
Billy will have a shocker. Knights to weather the Storm and win. (See how I made a pun? People think I’m weird but I’m actually very intelligent.)

Cowboys v Sharks:
I was honoured to hear that the Sharks had changed their team song to Smooth Criminal.
I’m afraid they won’t be singing it this weekend, though. The Cowboys will be too classy, both on and off the field.

Raiders v Titans:
Bailey and Minichiello are still injured for the Titans. I recommend taking painkillers – they really make you feel alive. Prince is hopeless. I’m the King of Pop and all my songs are better than his. Raiders easily.

Panthers v Eels:
There are some good young kids in both teams like Sammut, Graham, Walsh, Mortimer, and Keating. They are all so cute and innocent… I mean talented.
Overall the Panthers are younger, and therefore better. Penrith by an 8 year old… I mean Penrith by 8.

Sea Eagles v Bulldogs:
This will be a thriller – though not as much as my 1982 album of the same name, of course. That was seriously good. You should buy a copy. Well you probably already have one. Most people own six. I can’t pick a winner here and I have to take my medication now so… err, wait a second… okay… Sea Dogs to beat Bulleagles by 1.