NRL Finals Week 2 Guest Preview: KYLE SANDILANDS

This week's special guest previewer is radio and TV personality (and giant goose) KYLE SANDILANDS.

Eels v Titans:
Oooh Jarryd Hayne, Jarryd Hayne, aren't you just so damn bloody amazing? NO. You're crap. So you've fluked about 12 man-of-the-match awards in a row - big deal! Anybody could do it if they got a bit lucky.

Have you seen some of the jokers to win Australian Idol? You're like them. The public love you but I can see the truth. The truth is that you are an insecure hack who will never make it in this industry. You can't play. You have the personality of a kicking tee. Your fashion sense is hilarious... blue and gold together, what are you thinking?

And you can't even sing or dance. Do you realise that compared to me you have absolutely no talent whatsoever? I am good at everything, including stuff you might not have guessed like the Rubik's Cube. I can't actually finish it, but I can get really close. Once I even had a whole side just one colour.

One day I think I might buy a footy team and get them to win the NRL premiership. I can totally afford it. They would be called the Kyle Sandilands and their team mascot would be my face. I wouldn't let Jarryd Hayne play for the Sandilands even if he begged me and offered to do it for free. Which he probably would.

I'm tipping an upset: Titans to win. Hayne will be the worst player on the field. I dare anyone to call my radio show and disagree with me. Unless I'm suspended. But don't call my house or come near my house or talk about my house, or I'll break your legs.


Broncos v Dragons:
You choking, fat, pathetic, jelly belly, talentless, overrated, embarrassing, ugly, annoying, scummy, wannabe Dragon losers! Yeah you heard me. You're a joke. My left nipple is mentally stronger than you lot of pretenders.

Seriously why do you even bother turning up to finals matches when you've got about as much chance of winning as I have of people liking me. Save us all the trouble and stay at home... wherever home is you lonely, nomadic, dirty, hippie drifters who can't even decide if you're from St.George or Illawarra. Which is it? That's just plain disrespectful to your childhood and your own mamas. You ***holes. Choke away you greedy fools.

Broncos by 50... at half-time. Somewhere between 120 and 170 by full-time. What do you have to say about that Darius Boyd? Yeah not much you childish little mute.
And Wayne Bennett is older than my great grandmother. Just plod along to an old person's home pops.

Anyway you're all lucky I'm in such a good mood today, otherwise I might've let loose and told you what I really think. I'm outta here. Get stuffed.