Another story so exclusive it may not have even happened yet...
The controversial referees' poll was revealed recently by Rugby League Week magazine and caused quite a stir in the NRL with revelations that the whistleblowers found Brett Finch to be the biggest sook in the game, Michael Crocker to be the dirtiest player, and Justin Hodges to be the biggest sledger, amongst other things.
However The Blind Mole can today reveal some of the questions considered for the poll but later deemed to be just too controversial. Questions that would have the referees looking for a place to hide. Following are a few examples:
1. Do you think that your colleague Shayne Hayne has ever considered changing his name, and if so, why?
a) No way. Why would he? It's the best name in League.
b) Yes, he was going to change it to Jarryd Hayne in order to make himself more popular with the ladies.
c) Yes, he was going to change it because players always tease him and shout 'Shayne Hayne, what a pain, he's too vain for our game!'
2. Did Bill Harrigan make mistakes as the video referee in this year's State of Origin series?
a) No. Bill Harrigan is a god. He's the refereeing equivalent of Wally Lewis,
only he's really good looking as well. I love him.
b) Maybe. I would need to have a look at about 37 more replays from 25 different angles before I could make a decision. But that, of course, does not necessarily mean that I would rule a benefit of the doubt try. What people don't understand is that sometimes it's that 37th replay that shows exactly what happened.
c) Yes. Huge mistakes. Sometimes I'm not sure if he's watching the game or looking in the mirror. And other times I am sure, because I catch him looking in the mirror.
3. Do you sometimes award penalties for stripping even though you don't really have a clue if the ball was stripped or if it was simply a loose carry?
a) Of course not. Well, maybe sometimes
b) I saw that clearly as a strip, the penalty is against you. Holy crap did anybody see that replay? Geez he just knocked that on cold, didn't he? Oh well too late now...
c) Look if you keep asking me questions like that you know what I'm going to have to do. I don't want to take the next step but I won't hesitate to if I have to. One more question like that and I'll have no choice. I know you know what I'm talking about so you better fix it mate and have a word with your team... I'm talking about using the Sin Bin! Oh who am I kidding? We all know I won't use it. Just don't do it again okay.
4. What is your opinion of the two referees system?
a) There are two referees? Nobody told me.
b) Look I don't think you can go out there and concentrate on the fact there's another ref. You just have to ref your own game rather than focusing on what he may or may not be doing. If you get your own backyard in order, the rest follows I think. Yeah I basically never have a clue what the other bloke is supposed to be doing.
c) My only problem with it is that there's a second referee on the field. Other than that it's a very good system.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Round 20 NRL Special Guest Preview: BRAD 'FREDDIE' FITTLER
This week's previewer is sacked Roosters coach Brad 'Freddie' Fittler. Last week's writer, Lleyton Hewitt, kept screaming "C'mmmoooooooooooooooonnnn!!!!!!" down the phone at us, so we had to let him go...
Titans vs Broncos:
Life is so unfair. The only reason the Titans don't sack John Cartwright is because he's a good coach. It just doesn't make sense to me.
Roosters by 8. What do you mean the Roosters aren't playing til Monday? How the hell am I supposed to get the boys sober after a weekend off? F***!!! Oops - I'll have to fine myself 10 grand for that.
Okay I'm fine... stupid fine... Titans by 10 ****ing grand! S***... that's 10 more grand. Kings Cross here I come.
Sea Eagles vs Knights:
I hate knights. Those long, lonely knights when it's just me and the bottle. And some random girl who doesn't recognise me when I knock on her hotel room door in the middle of the knight completely off my trolley. Yes it's the knights when I find my sacking the hardest to deal with. Knight after knight I have knightmares about where it all went wrong. If it wasn't for my loyalty card at the local bottle shop I honestly don't know what I'd do with myself.
The Knights won't go away... they'll win by 6.
Bulldogs vs Eels:
People keep asking me if I feel bitter. Of course I bloody do. I've polished off 6 cases of Victoria Bitter this week - what else would I be feeling? Well, maybe a bit of vodka as well. The Eels coach and players will try their hardest for the club they love, but it won't be enough. It's never enough. You rescue the club in their time of need, you give it everything you have and you bleed red, white and blue only to wind up stabbed in the back as if...
Bulldogs to come out on twist top.
Cowboys vs Panthers:
I wish I was Phil Gould. He's so much better than me. So is Brian Smith. Pretty much everybody is better than me. Do you have anything else to drink?
Boycows to wine. I mean win.
Storm vs Sharks:
Am I slurring to start my words?
I pick the Starks.
Raiders vs Tigers:
I don't want to be next unemployed year. I will end desperately up having to take work I can find any, like app... app... appearing on the Footy Show.
Roosters... Oh yeah forgot, they're playing not either this game.
Errr, Tigers.
Warriors vs Dragons:
So sudden of all the Dragons are sooooooo great and everybody luvs Wendell and Bennett Wayne is the messiah and blah blah blah. Well just see and wait what happens when apart fall they year next and last come! Then bloody Wayne won't so look smug will he? Aaaarrrggggggggghhhhhh!!!!!
Rabbitohs vs Roosters:
Sorry about all that I may have had a bit too much to drink last night. I've fined myself another $10,000 for bringing this preview into direpute. Anyway, the Roosters will be very well prepared for this match. The coach will not let the players be distracted by off-field dramas. A solid gameplan and disciplined defensive effort should be enough for the Roosters to... oh who am I kidding? I don't even know who we're playing but the Roosters will lose - obviously.
Titans vs Broncos:
Life is so unfair. The only reason the Titans don't sack John Cartwright is because he's a good coach. It just doesn't make sense to me.
Roosters by 8. What do you mean the Roosters aren't playing til Monday? How the hell am I supposed to get the boys sober after a weekend off? F***!!! Oops - I'll have to fine myself 10 grand for that.
Okay I'm fine... stupid fine... Titans by 10 ****ing grand! S***... that's 10 more grand. Kings Cross here I come.
Sea Eagles vs Knights:
I hate knights. Those long, lonely knights when it's just me and the bottle. And some random girl who doesn't recognise me when I knock on her hotel room door in the middle of the knight completely off my trolley. Yes it's the knights when I find my sacking the hardest to deal with. Knight after knight I have knightmares about where it all went wrong. If it wasn't for my loyalty card at the local bottle shop I honestly don't know what I'd do with myself.
The Knights won't go away... they'll win by 6.
Bulldogs vs Eels:
People keep asking me if I feel bitter. Of course I bloody do. I've polished off 6 cases of Victoria Bitter this week - what else would I be feeling? Well, maybe a bit of vodka as well. The Eels coach and players will try their hardest for the club they love, but it won't be enough. It's never enough. You rescue the club in their time of need, you give it everything you have and you bleed red, white and blue only to wind up stabbed in the back as if...
Bulldogs to come out on twist top.
Cowboys vs Panthers:
I wish I was Phil Gould. He's so much better than me. So is Brian Smith. Pretty much everybody is better than me. Do you have anything else to drink?
Boycows to wine. I mean win.
Storm vs Sharks:
Am I slurring to start my words?
I pick the Starks.
Raiders vs Tigers:
I don't want to be next unemployed year. I will end desperately up having to take work I can find any, like app... app... appearing on the Footy Show.
Roosters... Oh yeah forgot, they're playing not either this game.
Errr, Tigers.
Warriors vs Dragons:
So sudden of all the Dragons are sooooooo great and everybody luvs Wendell and Bennett Wayne is the messiah and blah blah blah. Well just see and wait what happens when apart fall they year next and last come! Then bloody Wayne won't so look smug will he? Aaaarrrggggggggghhhhhh!!!!!
Rabbitohs vs Roosters:
Sorry about all that I may have had a bit too much to drink last night. I've fined myself another $10,000 for bringing this preview into direpute. Anyway, the Roosters will be very well prepared for this match. The coach will not let the players be distracted by off-field dramas. A solid gameplan and disciplined defensive effort should be enough for the Roosters to... oh who am I kidding? I don't even know who we're playing but the Roosters will lose - obviously.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Round 19 Special Guest Preview: Lleyton Hewitt
This week's previewer is Aussie tennis champion (well, former champion) Lleyton Hewitt. Last week's writer Gordon Ramsay is sadly unavailable due to his head being too far up his own... well you get the idea.
Broncos vs Rabbitohs:
RA BIT OHS! RA BIT OHS! RA BIT OHS!!! I don't actually support anybody; I just like yelling stuff.
Bulldogs vs Titans:
Bulldogs were crap last year but now they're amazing. They've come back like my hero Rocky! Can you believe some people think that Rocky is just a movie and isn't actually real? Idiots. He's my hero. I'd love to meet him but my agent says he's really hard to contact, even for a superstar like me. Bulldogs to win in a Hollywood finish.
Panthers vs Raiders:
C'mmmmooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!!! Er, dunno really - Panthers I guess.
Sharks vs Sea Eagles:
C'mmmmoooooooooonnnnn Adelaide!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The Crows aren't playing? Oh... in that case I pick the Sea Eagles - they're both birds I guess.
Roosters vs Warriors:
Speaking of birds, how hot is my wife? Damn hot. All the cheerleaders at this game put together wouldn't be as hot as my Bec. She predicts Roosters and who am I to argue whilst she's giving me this unbelievably hot oil massage?
Tigers vs Cowboys:
Some of the American guys on the tennis tour have a saying - 'Tigers suck'. They'd know more than me - Cowboys to win.
Eels vs Storm:
The Eels must approach this match the way I approach Roger Federer - try their guts out, give it everything, look deep within themselves to find that extra something, fight and fight and fight until the bitter end and be prepared to die on that centre court in the desperate pursuit of victory... and hope their opponent gets injured and can't finish the match. Storm in straight sets.
Broncos vs Rabbitohs:
RA BIT OHS! RA BIT OHS! RA BIT OHS!!! I don't actually support anybody; I just like yelling stuff.
Bulldogs vs Titans:
Bulldogs were crap last year but now they're amazing. They've come back like my hero Rocky! Can you believe some people think that Rocky is just a movie and isn't actually real? Idiots. He's my hero. I'd love to meet him but my agent says he's really hard to contact, even for a superstar like me. Bulldogs to win in a Hollywood finish.
Panthers vs Raiders:
C'mmmmooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!!! Er, dunno really - Panthers I guess.
Sharks vs Sea Eagles:
C'mmmmoooooooooonnnnn Adelaide!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The Crows aren't playing? Oh... in that case I pick the Sea Eagles - they're both birds I guess.
Roosters vs Warriors:
Speaking of birds, how hot is my wife? Damn hot. All the cheerleaders at this game put together wouldn't be as hot as my Bec. She predicts Roosters and who am I to argue whilst she's giving me this unbelievably hot oil massage?
Tigers vs Cowboys:
Some of the American guys on the tennis tour have a saying - 'Tigers suck'. They'd know more than me - Cowboys to win.
Eels vs Storm:
The Eels must approach this match the way I approach Roger Federer - try their guts out, give it everything, look deep within themselves to find that extra something, fight and fight and fight until the bitter end and be prepared to die on that centre court in the desperate pursuit of victory... and hope their opponent gets injured and can't finish the match. Storm in straight sets.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
The Blind Mole #1 - NRL Plan for 16-Team Finals Series
A story so exclusive it may not even have happened... yet.
A source close to the NRL has revealed to The Blind Mole that the wheels are in motion for a proposed 16-team finals series in the 2010 NRL season. The radical move would see every team in the competition qualify for the end-of-year play-offs with the possible exception of the wooden spooners, who would be forced to play a sudden-death eliminator against the premiership-winning Toyota Cup Under 20s side for the coveted 16th place.
It is believed the NRL view such a format as a way to significantly increase gate takings and merchandise revenue by maintaining the interest of fans of all clubs throughout the entire season. However plans for all 16 teams to contest the grand final on one field at the same time have been scrapped due to unidentified logistical problems.
The informant confirms that although the current controversial McIntyre finals system would need to be altered, fans may hardly notice the subtle transition. The only real differences would be the addition of extra teams, extra matches, extra weeks and extra flaws.
Any concerns top teams might have about the lack of benefits of finishing high on the regular season ladder will be allayed by the reward of playing all their finals matches at their home ground, as long as their home ground is ANZ Stadium.
It is unclear at this stage whether or not all clubs would be in favour of the new format. A spokesperson for the Wests Tigers, however, was quick to guarantee that the struggling club would absolutely support anything that allowed them to break their potentially never-ending finals hiatus.
A source close to the NRL has revealed to The Blind Mole that the wheels are in motion for a proposed 16-team finals series in the 2010 NRL season. The radical move would see every team in the competition qualify for the end-of-year play-offs with the possible exception of the wooden spooners, who would be forced to play a sudden-death eliminator against the premiership-winning Toyota Cup Under 20s side for the coveted 16th place.
It is believed the NRL view such a format as a way to significantly increase gate takings and merchandise revenue by maintaining the interest of fans of all clubs throughout the entire season. However plans for all 16 teams to contest the grand final on one field at the same time have been scrapped due to unidentified logistical problems.
The informant confirms that although the current controversial McIntyre finals system would need to be altered, fans may hardly notice the subtle transition. The only real differences would be the addition of extra teams, extra matches, extra weeks and extra flaws.
Any concerns top teams might have about the lack of benefits of finishing high on the regular season ladder will be allayed by the reward of playing all their finals matches at their home ground, as long as their home ground is ANZ Stadium.
It is unclear at this stage whether or not all clubs would be in favour of the new format. A spokesperson for the Wests Tigers, however, was quick to guarantee that the struggling club would absolutely support anything that allowed them to break their potentially never-ending finals hiatus.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Round 18 Special Guest Preview: GORDON RAMSAY
This week's guest previewer is celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay. Last week's writer Michael Jackson hasn't returned our calls...
Rabbitohs v Panthers:
You Rabbitohs are a ****ing joke! Get off your backsides and put in some ****ing effort you lazy ****ing pathetic ****ers. **** off.
Panthers by 700.
Knights v Raiders:
Did you know I used to play professional football before I became an international cooking and reality TV superstar? That’s proper football, not this s*** rugby nonsense. I was a great player because I’m ****ing great at everything I do. Fans would shout ‘hot cross, buns’ at me every match – not because I make them so well (even though I do), but because I was a winger that could always put in a hot cross and I have ****ing amazing buns of steel. My whole body is like steel. I could’ve been a Knight OR a Raider I’m that ****ing hardcore.
Ramsay 1 Knights 0 Raiders 0
Warriors v Bulldogs:
Warriors? Bull****. They couldn’t cut up a ****ing onion without crying, let alone cut up a defensive unit as tough as the Dogs’. If Steve Price was a real man (like me) he’d play for his old team the Bulldogs, his new team the Warriors, and his State of Origin team all in the same week. What the **** are Queensland and New South Wales? My state of origin was Cranky and I haven’t changed in 40 odd years.
I tip Warriors… to ****ing lose!
Dragons v Sea Eagles:
These teams are nearly as amazing as I am. Just ask Tracy Grimshaw. They are so ****ing good they will meet again in the grand final. Think I’m exaggerating? I don’t ****ing exaggerate. Ever. This will not only be the game of the season but the greatest event in the history of ****ing history itself. Apart from my new show, that is.
Sea Eagles by a dash of salt.
Titans v Eels:
Sprinkle the lemon juice and mixed herbs onto the pan-fried eel. Eels must be cooked thoroughly. Titans will be hungry and the eels will go down nicely.
Done.
Rabbitohs v Panthers:
You Rabbitohs are a ****ing joke! Get off your backsides and put in some ****ing effort you lazy ****ing pathetic ****ers. **** off.
Panthers by 700.
Knights v Raiders:
Did you know I used to play professional football before I became an international cooking and reality TV superstar? That’s proper football, not this s*** rugby nonsense. I was a great player because I’m ****ing great at everything I do. Fans would shout ‘hot cross, buns’ at me every match – not because I make them so well (even though I do), but because I was a winger that could always put in a hot cross and I have ****ing amazing buns of steel. My whole body is like steel. I could’ve been a Knight OR a Raider I’m that ****ing hardcore.
Ramsay 1 Knights 0 Raiders 0
Warriors v Bulldogs:
Warriors? Bull****. They couldn’t cut up a ****ing onion without crying, let alone cut up a defensive unit as tough as the Dogs’. If Steve Price was a real man (like me) he’d play for his old team the Bulldogs, his new team the Warriors, and his State of Origin team all in the same week. What the **** are Queensland and New South Wales? My state of origin was Cranky and I haven’t changed in 40 odd years.
I tip Warriors… to ****ing lose!
Dragons v Sea Eagles:
These teams are nearly as amazing as I am. Just ask Tracy Grimshaw. They are so ****ing good they will meet again in the grand final. Think I’m exaggerating? I don’t ****ing exaggerate. Ever. This will not only be the game of the season but the greatest event in the history of ****ing history itself. Apart from my new show, that is.
Sea Eagles by a dash of salt.
Titans v Eels:
Sprinkle the lemon juice and mixed herbs onto the pan-fried eel. Eels must be cooked thoroughly. Titans will be hungry and the eels will go down nicely.
Done.
Monday, July 6, 2009
The Weekend Wind-Up - Round 17
It was a weekend feast, but not the type that pricks the ears and tingles the taste buds of Josh Perry or Danny Wicks. There were no doughnuts in sight. Especially not on the scoreboards where it was all big numbers and high scoring matches courtesy of an avalanche of soft tries.
On average there were 51 points scored per game. Effective tackles were as hard to find as a former league winger in a Wallabies' jersey.
Contributing significantly to the stats was the Rabbitohs' 'effort' against the Tigers. Gordon Tallis is coaching the forwards at Redfern these days and he's clearly managed to turn things around – they used to be good, and now they're not. In Souths' defence though... well there was none to be honest.
The Panthers and Eels traded tries for eighty minutes in a game of anything-you-can-do-we-can-do-better... until you do it better again... and then we do it better.. and then you... and then us... and then you again... and then... the game's over? Oh well you win.
In a weekend that saw 63 tries scored the Sharks came up with one of them against the Cowboys; coincidentally the same number of players they had sacked for an alcohol-related misdemeanour. To be fair, this ratio was a slight improvement on some earlier times in the year.
In Melbourne the Knights couldn't come up with a victory over the Storm despite having approximately 100 per cent of the possession and field position. If the southerners ever had the ball I must've been blinking. Surely only the rain concealed the Newcastle players' tears at the end of this one.
The Raiders held on to beat the Titans, though if the game had lasted five more minutes the Gold Coast boys might have won by 13+ at the margins. The Blues' selectors look set to continue the 'one Raider at a time' policy by picking Learoyd-Lahrs and dropping Monaghan after the latter replaced Campese in game two. Next year should see Tongue get his chance before being inevitably dropped with Monaghan and Campese earning recalls... only to be dropped.
On Friday night the Roosters got back into the swing of things with another loss against the Dragons. Of course, the fact that they got thrashed, stayed rooted to the bottom rung of the ladder, and were confirmed as the worst performing bunch of rep players in the game's history wasn't great news, but the fact that they had to witness a Wendell Sailor try celebration really was the straw that broke the camel's back.
The Broncos had a good win over the Warriors due to the game not being played in New Zealand. Lillyman's arm and Ropati's head showed that secret rendezvous' with internet lady friends is not the only thing capable of dazzling big Joel Clinton. And Tonie Carroll made a successful comeback at the ripe old age of really bloody old. Pick him and Sailor for Origin III and bring back Alfie – give the Blues a chance.
On average there were 51 points scored per game. Effective tackles were as hard to find as a former league winger in a Wallabies' jersey.
Contributing significantly to the stats was the Rabbitohs' 'effort' against the Tigers. Gordon Tallis is coaching the forwards at Redfern these days and he's clearly managed to turn things around – they used to be good, and now they're not. In Souths' defence though... well there was none to be honest.
The Panthers and Eels traded tries for eighty minutes in a game of anything-you-can-do-we-can-do-better... until you do it better again... and then we do it better.. and then you... and then us... and then you again... and then... the game's over? Oh well you win.
In a weekend that saw 63 tries scored the Sharks came up with one of them against the Cowboys; coincidentally the same number of players they had sacked for an alcohol-related misdemeanour. To be fair, this ratio was a slight improvement on some earlier times in the year.
In Melbourne the Knights couldn't come up with a victory over the Storm despite having approximately 100 per cent of the possession and field position. If the southerners ever had the ball I must've been blinking. Surely only the rain concealed the Newcastle players' tears at the end of this one.
The Raiders held on to beat the Titans, though if the game had lasted five more minutes the Gold Coast boys might have won by 13+ at the margins. The Blues' selectors look set to continue the 'one Raider at a time' policy by picking Learoyd-Lahrs and dropping Monaghan after the latter replaced Campese in game two. Next year should see Tongue get his chance before being inevitably dropped with Monaghan and Campese earning recalls... only to be dropped.
On Friday night the Roosters got back into the swing of things with another loss against the Dragons. Of course, the fact that they got thrashed, stayed rooted to the bottom rung of the ladder, and were confirmed as the worst performing bunch of rep players in the game's history wasn't great news, but the fact that they had to witness a Wendell Sailor try celebration really was the straw that broke the camel's back.
The Broncos had a good win over the Warriors due to the game not being played in New Zealand. Lillyman's arm and Ropati's head showed that secret rendezvous' with internet lady friends is not the only thing capable of dazzling big Joel Clinton. And Tonie Carroll made a successful comeback at the ripe old age of really bloody old. Pick him and Sailor for Origin III and bring back Alfie – give the Blues a chance.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Round 17 Special Guest Preview: MICHAEL JACKSON
Written just minutes before his death, this will sadly be the King of Pop's last ever NRL preview...
Broncos v Warriors:
King Wally Lewis will probably be at this game so - as the undisputed King of Pop - I don’t want to turn up and steal his thunder. It could get ugly. Otherwise I was going to come along and check out wonderful little Stacey Jones. He’s small enough to be a child and I’ve heard he’s pretty much defenseless. Broncos by 10.
Dragons v Roosters:
This will be the biggest upset since my last marriage ended. Roosters by 13 (which is coincidentally both the number of Grammy Awards I’ve won and how many number one singles I’ve had. I’m amazing.)
Rabbitohs v Tigers:
They know they’re bad, they’re bad, they know it, yeah. I love a good charity case, but these teams aren’t worth the effort. Both squads need a facelift. Especially the Tigers – their outfits are way too black. Nil – Nil Draw.
Storm v Knights:
Billy Slater is… not my lover. He’s just a fullback, who claims that he’s number one!
But the kid is not my son. He says he’s number one, but the kid is not my son.
Billy will have a shocker. Knights to weather the Storm and win. (See how I made a pun? People think I’m weird but I’m actually very intelligent.)
Cowboys v Sharks:
I was honoured to hear that the Sharks had changed their team song to Smooth Criminal.
I’m afraid they won’t be singing it this weekend, though. The Cowboys will be too classy, both on and off the field.
Raiders v Titans:
Bailey and Minichiello are still injured for the Titans. I recommend taking painkillers – they really make you feel alive. Prince is hopeless. I’m the King of Pop and all my songs are better than his. Raiders easily.
Panthers v Eels:
There are some good young kids in both teams like Sammut, Graham, Walsh, Mortimer, and Keating. They are all so cute and innocent… I mean talented.
Overall the Panthers are younger, and therefore better. Penrith by an 8 year old… I mean Penrith by 8.
Sea Eagles v Bulldogs:
This will be a thriller – though not as much as my 1982 album of the same name, of course. That was seriously good. You should buy a copy. Well you probably already have one. Most people own six. I can’t pick a winner here and I have to take my medication now so… err, wait a second… okay… Sea Dogs to beat Bulleagles by 1.
Broncos v Warriors:
King Wally Lewis will probably be at this game so - as the undisputed King of Pop - I don’t want to turn up and steal his thunder. It could get ugly. Otherwise I was going to come along and check out wonderful little Stacey Jones. He’s small enough to be a child and I’ve heard he’s pretty much defenseless. Broncos by 10.
Dragons v Roosters:
This will be the biggest upset since my last marriage ended. Roosters by 13 (which is coincidentally both the number of Grammy Awards I’ve won and how many number one singles I’ve had. I’m amazing.)
Rabbitohs v Tigers:
They know they’re bad, they’re bad, they know it, yeah. I love a good charity case, but these teams aren’t worth the effort. Both squads need a facelift. Especially the Tigers – their outfits are way too black. Nil – Nil Draw.
Storm v Knights:
Billy Slater is… not my lover. He’s just a fullback, who claims that he’s number one!
But the kid is not my son. He says he’s number one, but the kid is not my son.
Billy will have a shocker. Knights to weather the Storm and win. (See how I made a pun? People think I’m weird but I’m actually very intelligent.)
Cowboys v Sharks:
I was honoured to hear that the Sharks had changed their team song to Smooth Criminal.
I’m afraid they won’t be singing it this weekend, though. The Cowboys will be too classy, both on and off the field.
Raiders v Titans:
Bailey and Minichiello are still injured for the Titans. I recommend taking painkillers – they really make you feel alive. Prince is hopeless. I’m the King of Pop and all my songs are better than his. Raiders easily.
Panthers v Eels:
There are some good young kids in both teams like Sammut, Graham, Walsh, Mortimer, and Keating. They are all so cute and innocent… I mean talented.
Overall the Panthers are younger, and therefore better. Penrith by an 8 year old… I mean Penrith by 8.
Sea Eagles v Bulldogs:
This will be a thriller – though not as much as my 1982 album of the same name, of course. That was seriously good. You should buy a copy. Well you probably already have one. Most people own six. I can’t pick a winner here and I have to take my medication now so… err, wait a second… okay… Sea Dogs to beat Bulleagles by 1.
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