It's the question on everybody's lips: are the Dragons choking? Okay it's probably not the question on the lips of any Dragons players themselves - they're too busy choking to have anything left over on their lips at all.
But back to that question. Are they choking or not? After losing to the Raiders I said 'no'. A loss is a loss. Sometimes it's a welcome wake-up call.
After losing to the Broncos (and failing to score a try) I said 'maybe'. It's not the end of the world but the signs aren't great. Defence is vital, no doubt, but you won't win the grand final without scoring a try.
But after losing (sorry, capitulating) to the Rabbitohs I say 'yes, with as much certainty as Jarryd Hayne winning Man of the Match next weekend'. That's pretty certain.
The Dragons are in trouble. Quite incredibly the former competition favourites, and apparent shoe-ins to claim at least the minor premiership, might now enter a match as underdogs against an Eels side still not guaranteed to make the finals at all.
Where did it all go wrong? Or perhaphs the more pertanent question is where did it all go right? Were the Dragons really that great to begin with? They started the season superbly, jumping out of the blocks like Usain Bolt. But as we all know, the premiership race is not a sprint.
The Red V set their bar so early on that other teams have had months to find ways of reaching it. Bettering it, even. And they have. There are sides that contain more dangerous players. More unpredictable threats. The Dragons' success was based on doing the little things right and playing with confidence whilst others found their feet.
Unfortunately those little things got so tiny they barely seem to exist anymore. And when some of those others finally found their feet, they realised they were looking down at size 16s. The Dragons were still wearing 12s.
Scoring points still doesn't seem to come naturally to them. One gets the feeling they always believed in themselves to prevent tries more capably than create them. The problem now is that the breadstick has gone stale at both ends. Tries are proving harder to find than Wendell Sailor's shy side, whilst the Bunnies made a mockery of that supposedly stingy defensive wall.
It's panic stations at Kogarah. And Wollongong. In fact it's more than just panic stations. It's panic stadiums, panic cities, panic Westfield shopping centres. Panic, panic, panic. Choke, choke, choke... then panic some more.
Are the Dragons choking? Get practising on your Heimlich Maneuver; this could get ugly.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Round 25 NRL Guest Preview: DARIUS BOYD
This week's special guest previewer is tight-lipped Dragons fullback DARIUS BOYD.
Last week's writer JESSICA SIMPSON (4/8 tips) has been reprimanded for inappropriately flirting with League Larrikin via email...
Eels v Panthers:
No. (Editor's note: this response from Darius will be counted for tipping purposes as a draw.)
Cowboys v Broncos:
Yeah, nah... dunno. (Another draw.)
Titans v Tigers:
Wayne Bennett told me not to give too much away, alright. So I'm not.
The winner will be Ti... I can only give away the first two letters I'm afraid. Oh and the last letter is an 's'. Sorry. (Well, no I'm not actually sorry at all you worthless scum. Work it out for yourselves.)
Rabbitohs v Dragons:
Okay the coach has just tapped me on the shoulder (I'm so tense I nearly reflex-punched him,) and suggested that I am actually allowed to say a few words about each game. Just as long as I don't mention the plan to be more physical in the opening exchanges before shifting the ball and targeting the Rabbitohs' right side defence. Ah crap. My fault, Benny.
Rabbitohs will probably win now.
Storm v Roosters:
A few of my Origin mates are in the Storm team like Billy Slater, Cameron Smith and Dallas Johnson. Pffft who am I kidding - I don't have any mates.
Storm by 40. (Billy... Cam... please return my calls.)
Sea Eagles v Sharks:
Whatever. Either that or Sea Eagles.
Bulldogs v Warriors:
Choking? The Dragons are not urrgghhh... nehejjkke... no,gmmphh, no... NOT... cho, cho, choking. Excuse me, my roast potato just went down the wrong way. I wasn't choking. None of my teammates are choking either. Actually none of my teammates even turned up to my dinner party. Would you shut up about choking!?
Maybe Bulldogs are the real chokers. Yeah, come on Warriors.
Raiders v Knights:
It's not as if the Dragons have been losing to hopeless teams at the bottom of the table like the Raiders, or has-beens like the Broncos. Oh right, yes we have. See THIS is why I normally don't talk much!
Maybe the Raiders aren't that bad after all. I'll tip them. But if they lose they are so ****ing s***!!! Can I go now?
Sunday, August 23, 2009
BLOG: Arthur "In My" Day
This is the occasionally updated blog of 101 year-old Arthur "In My" Day. Mr. Day has been following rugby league since before he can remember, which admittedly is not saying all that much since he suffers from Alzheimers. He estimates that he’s seen over 50,000 matches in his time. Then again he also thinks he’s only 83 and used to run the hundred metres in 8 seconds during the prime of youth, so figures aren’t necessarily his strong suit. One thing is certain though: Arthur is a league man through and through. He’s not afraid to have his say on the game, both how it is now and how it was in his day...
In my day we didn't wear headgear. In fact we didn't wear anything at all... wait that's a different story. Sorry Mrs. Day. What I mean is that when we were playing footy, we didn't wear any headgear. Stupid things weren't even invented yet.
Honestly what's the point of strapping some ridiculous contraption to your head? For protection against potentially fatal head injuries, people always say. What a load of bloody nonsense! I suffered over 20 concussions playing the game and look at me now. Well you can't look at me because you're there and I'm here, but I can tell you that I'm fighting fit in body and mind. Especially in the body. Especially in the mind. Especially in the... where was I?
You see wearing headgear is like admitting to the opposition that you're a wimp. If I ever saw a wimp in headgear I would've just belted him twice as hard, right around the nose. He wouldn't be able to smell any of his wimpy bloody flowers after that.
What really makes me cranky are these morons that use bright colourful variations of headgear. If I didn't know any better I'd think that they weren't ashamed of themselves. But they must be. At least just wear the same colour as everybody else and hope nobody recognises you. You better all hope I never recognise you on the street, because if I do I'm going to yell random, incoherent obscenities at you just as any old man worth his salt should - you bloody pathetic headgear-wearing wimps!
I'm off to bed...
In my day we didn't wear headgear. In fact we didn't wear anything at all... wait that's a different story. Sorry Mrs. Day. What I mean is that when we were playing footy, we didn't wear any headgear. Stupid things weren't even invented yet.
Honestly what's the point of strapping some ridiculous contraption to your head? For protection against potentially fatal head injuries, people always say. What a load of bloody nonsense! I suffered over 20 concussions playing the game and look at me now. Well you can't look at me because you're there and I'm here, but I can tell you that I'm fighting fit in body and mind. Especially in the body. Especially in the mind. Especially in the... where was I?
You see wearing headgear is like admitting to the opposition that you're a wimp. If I ever saw a wimp in headgear I would've just belted him twice as hard, right around the nose. He wouldn't be able to smell any of his wimpy bloody flowers after that.
What really makes me cranky are these morons that use bright colourful variations of headgear. If I didn't know any better I'd think that they weren't ashamed of themselves. But they must be. At least just wear the same colour as everybody else and hope nobody recognises you. You better all hope I never recognise you on the street, because if I do I'm going to yell random, incoherent obscenities at you just as any old man worth his salt should - you bloody pathetic headgear-wearing wimps!
I'm off to bed...
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Round 24 NRL Guest Preview: JESSICA SIMPSON
This week's special guest previewer is American singer/actress
JESSICA SIMPSON.
Last week's writer William Shakespeare said his heart could no longer handle the drama of the NRL...
Dragons v Broncos:
It's always hard seeing your ex with a new woman. That must be how the Broncos feel when they see Wayne Bennett with Saint George Illawarra. Not that I'm saying Saint George Illawarra is a woman - obviously he's not a woman because he's a saint. Or can women be Saints too? Well anyway his name is George Illawarra, so he's definitely not a woman.
I think the jealous Broncos will give death stares to Bennett's new flame and 'accidentally' spill red wine all over their nice white jerseys. The Dragons players will cry, have a fight with Bennett even though he did nothing wrong, and storm out of the stadium in a huff before the end of the match.
Tigers v Eels:
People say that I'm stupid, but they just don't realise that I'm famous.
Eels to win by whatever that number is that comes after six... oh yeah I remember - sixteen! That's the one. Er, I mean that's the sixteen.
Knights v Cowboys:
Last week the Knights were on the rebound after dumping Brian Smith. This week the harsh reality of ending their 3-year relationship will set in and cause some feelings of... you know, like sad kinda feelings. What's the word I'm thinking of? Dipreshan?
I don't say this very often, but Cowboys are more mentally stable. Cowboys are pretty hot too. They'll win.
Panthers v Rabbitohs:
You know I'm just a girl from Texas like anybody else. Well, like anybody else that's a girl from Texas at least. The only difference is that I'm also a famous singer. And actress. And TV personality. Whoah I'm more versatile than Craig Wing if you think about it... did you think about it? I did. But then I got distracted by Spongebob Squarepants and forgot what I was thinking about.
I tip Rabbitohs. (By the way, what's a rabbitoh?)
Titans v Sharks:
I'm scared of sharks. But I'm not scared of Titans coz they're the same as rabbitohs - I don't really know what they are.
Go Titans!
Warriors v Raiders:
So when you hear the referee yelling at the players, he's just miming right? He probably recorded all that stuff like 'DOMINAAANT!!!' and 'MOVEMEEENT!!!' before the match so that it would sound perfect and there wouldn't be any chance of stuffing it up in front of a live audience. Makes sense.
Like, toootally the Raiders are going to win.
Storm v Sea Eagles:
I used to think Buffalo 'wings' came from buffaloes. Then somebody told me Buffaloes don't have wings. Can you believe that? Pretty dumb thing to call them then if you ask me. Next they'll be saying Sea Eagles don't belong in the sea.
Storm by 2.
Bulldogs v Roosters:
Anthony Minichiello is cute enough to marry and star in a reality TV show about newlyweds with.
But that won't stop the Roosters getting smashed.
Monday, August 17, 2009
And then there was Penrith...
What a weekend of embarrassing thrashings for the only three teams still in with a chance of claiming the wooden spoon. The Sharks, Roosters, and Warriors lost their matches by a combined total of 140-26. If the season lasted a few more weeks then newspapers, magazines, and websites around the country would need to start finding some extra space on their pages just to fit these sides' negative points differentials onto the competition table.
It won't be long before the Sharks and Roosters reveal just how desperate they are to avoid coming last - you'll know they're serious when they take penalty and field-goal attempts at 30-nil down just to help improve their for-and-against column. It's not as if either team seriously believe they're going to scrape off the bottom with actual victories. Only a salary cap scandal from another club can save one of these sides now.
At least Sharks and Roosters players escaped the humiliation of being crushed so convincingly in front of their home fans... oh wait, actually no they didn't. That's so humiliating I didn't even see it coming after it had already happened.
And then there was Penrith. Oh dear. Their match against the Broncos started like a basketball game with points (and the lead) being traded more readily than illegal DVDs at a Bangkok market. By the end, though, Panthers players seemed to be under the impression that they actually were basketballers, so keenly did they attempt not to risk a foul by making contact with the man carrying the ball.
Of course the fact that they led at half-time, lost by 34, and alarmingly dropped outside the top eight will have concerned them, but the fact that they conceded over three times as many points as England's middle order scored runs in the 4th Ashes Test must truly have them hiding in shame.
The Sharks, Roosters, and Warriors all have an excuse - not being very good. And not having much to play for except pride, which let's be honest is not much at all really. But the Panthers were fighting for their finals lives. They should've been hungry and eager to win. As it was even the spider on my living room ceiling seemed utterly unimpressed by their lack of intensity.
It's that time of year when clubs are either itching to progress to the finals or have long since given up and are dreaming of island holidays and cases of beer. Who will be thrashed next week? Well to be honest, probably the same teams that were thrashed this week.
It won't be long before the Sharks and Roosters reveal just how desperate they are to avoid coming last - you'll know they're serious when they take penalty and field-goal attempts at 30-nil down just to help improve their for-and-against column. It's not as if either team seriously believe they're going to scrape off the bottom with actual victories. Only a salary cap scandal from another club can save one of these sides now.
At least Sharks and Roosters players escaped the humiliation of being crushed so convincingly in front of their home fans... oh wait, actually no they didn't. That's so humiliating I didn't even see it coming after it had already happened.
And then there was Penrith. Oh dear. Their match against the Broncos started like a basketball game with points (and the lead) being traded more readily than illegal DVDs at a Bangkok market. By the end, though, Panthers players seemed to be under the impression that they actually were basketballers, so keenly did they attempt not to risk a foul by making contact with the man carrying the ball.
Of course the fact that they led at half-time, lost by 34, and alarmingly dropped outside the top eight will have concerned them, but the fact that they conceded over three times as many points as England's middle order scored runs in the 4th Ashes Test must truly have them hiding in shame.
The Sharks, Roosters, and Warriors all have an excuse - not being very good. And not having much to play for except pride, which let's be honest is not much at all really. But the Panthers were fighting for their finals lives. They should've been hungry and eager to win. As it was even the spider on my living room ceiling seemed utterly unimpressed by their lack of intensity.
It's that time of year when clubs are either itching to progress to the finals or have long since given up and are dreaming of island holidays and cases of beer. Who will be thrashed next week? Well to be honest, probably the same teams that were thrashed this week.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Round 23 NRL Guest Preview: WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
This week's guest previewer is Elizabethan Playwright WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE.
Last week's writer Ricky Ponting (score: 6/8 tips) is too busy being cocky and stubborn to return our calls...
Cowboys vs Bulldogs:
To be, or not to be: that is the question. Oh, it wasn't? Silly me. Sorry what was the question again? Ah yes... Cowboys or Bulldogs: that is the question. Anybody know the answer? Let us choose Cowboys.
Rabbitohs vs Titans:
The King of Redfern, Russell Crowe, has heard whispers of scheming by the young Prince of Gold Coast and his crafty Friend. Meanwhile, a dangerous and futile friendship, forged during the battle of Origin between Wing of the Rabbitoh family and Bailey of the Titan family, threatens to spark a bitter family feud. And Sutton will be man-of-the-match.
Rabbitohs to win in a dramatic final scene, possibly involving a field goal.
Roosters vs Sea Eagles:
O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo? And O Stewart, Stewart! Wherefore art thou Stewart? Are you still bloody injured? Honestly, take some medicine dear.
As poorly as Manly's fullback be, all the Roosters be poorer.
Sea Eagles by 13+.
Raiders vs Dragons:
The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool. Especially Wendell Sailor. But one must ask how it is that a Sailor be also a Dragon? By day a merry seaman, by night a fire-breathing menace. On this cool Canberra eve, whom must the Raider slay - be it the Sailor or the Dragon? Such anticipation doth stir the soul of ye neutral supporter.
Dragons I tell you.
Eels vs Warriors:
All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players. Except Jarryd Hayne - he is surely a God.
I can't tell you who will win this, but I can tell you there will be a twist in the tale. Okay you really want to know? Promise you won't get cranky if I ruin the ending? Eels are going to win. Happy now?
Sharks vs Tigers:
This will be a play of two acts. In Act One the Sharks will begin full of promise. But in Act Two the Tigers will launch a stunning comeback.
When the curtain falls it will be Sharks 22 - Tigers 24.
Broncos vs Panthers:
If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? And if you slow down our play-the-ball, do we not get a penalty?It depends on the referee, I suppose.
Broncos to finally fall on their sword and lose by 12.
Knights vs Storm:
You don't need an intellectual such as myself to tell you what will happen here.
Storm will win. By 50.
Last week's writer Ricky Ponting (score: 6/8 tips) is too busy being cocky and stubborn to return our calls...
Cowboys vs Bulldogs:
To be, or not to be: that is the question. Oh, it wasn't? Silly me. Sorry what was the question again? Ah yes... Cowboys or Bulldogs: that is the question. Anybody know the answer? Let us choose Cowboys.
Rabbitohs vs Titans:
The King of Redfern, Russell Crowe, has heard whispers of scheming by the young Prince of Gold Coast and his crafty Friend. Meanwhile, a dangerous and futile friendship, forged during the battle of Origin between Wing of the Rabbitoh family and Bailey of the Titan family, threatens to spark a bitter family feud. And Sutton will be man-of-the-match.
Rabbitohs to win in a dramatic final scene, possibly involving a field goal.
Roosters vs Sea Eagles:
O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo? And O Stewart, Stewart! Wherefore art thou Stewart? Are you still bloody injured? Honestly, take some medicine dear.
As poorly as Manly's fullback be, all the Roosters be poorer.
Sea Eagles by 13+.
Raiders vs Dragons:
The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool. Especially Wendell Sailor. But one must ask how it is that a Sailor be also a Dragon? By day a merry seaman, by night a fire-breathing menace. On this cool Canberra eve, whom must the Raider slay - be it the Sailor or the Dragon? Such anticipation doth stir the soul of ye neutral supporter.
Dragons I tell you.
Eels vs Warriors:
All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players. Except Jarryd Hayne - he is surely a God.
I can't tell you who will win this, but I can tell you there will be a twist in the tale. Okay you really want to know? Promise you won't get cranky if I ruin the ending? Eels are going to win. Happy now?
Sharks vs Tigers:
This will be a play of two acts. In Act One the Sharks will begin full of promise. But in Act Two the Tigers will launch a stunning comeback.
When the curtain falls it will be Sharks 22 - Tigers 24.
Broncos vs Panthers:
If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? And if you slow down our play-the-ball, do we not get a penalty?It depends on the referee, I suppose.
Broncos to finally fall on their sword and lose by 12.
Knights vs Storm:
You don't need an intellectual such as myself to tell you what will happen here.
Storm will win. By 50.
Monday, August 10, 2009
THE BLIND MOLE #3: Eels Consider Fielding One-Man Team
Another story so exclusive it may not have even happened yet...
The Blind Mole is hearing whispers of a secret revolutionary plan by the Parramatta Eels to rest the entire first grade squad, barring superstar Jarryd Hayne, from their round 23 match against the New Zealand Warriors.
In what would be an NRL first, it is believed members of the Eels' hierarchy see victory over the struggling Warriors as a mere formality and that Hayne, in his current form, could probably win the match on his own. This would give all other players a deserved rest after four consecutive victories and leave them fresh for the ongoing charge towards the finals and beyond.
Whilst one Parramatta official has privately expressed concerns over the team's ability to dominate the ruck without a forward pack, others believe that having only one player on the field would ensure less penalties and handling errors - two factors that can often cruel a side's chances.
And what a player that one player is. The very idea of Hayne hitting it up and getting a quick play-the-ball for himself to pirouette and pick up at dummy-half before passing and catching again out wide will have the Warriors scrambling for a strategy to counteract with.
It is thought that the Eels are still weighing up the benefits of also selecting Nathan Hindmarsh on the bench to ease the defensive pressure on Hayne towards the end of each half and to provide some cover for injury. It may be decided, however, that since Hayne can spend the entire match defending from either marker or fullback, he won't become exhausted getting back on side and can in fact last the full eighty minutes.
Could the Newcastle Knights consider using a similar tactic with inspirational captain and fullback Kurt Gidley? It seems unlikely, due to the fact that Hayne is simply a much better player.
The Blind Mole is hearing whispers of a secret revolutionary plan by the Parramatta Eels to rest the entire first grade squad, barring superstar Jarryd Hayne, from their round 23 match against the New Zealand Warriors.
In what would be an NRL first, it is believed members of the Eels' hierarchy see victory over the struggling Warriors as a mere formality and that Hayne, in his current form, could probably win the match on his own. This would give all other players a deserved rest after four consecutive victories and leave them fresh for the ongoing charge towards the finals and beyond.
Whilst one Parramatta official has privately expressed concerns over the team's ability to dominate the ruck without a forward pack, others believe that having only one player on the field would ensure less penalties and handling errors - two factors that can often cruel a side's chances.
And what a player that one player is. The very idea of Hayne hitting it up and getting a quick play-the-ball for himself to pirouette and pick up at dummy-half before passing and catching again out wide will have the Warriors scrambling for a strategy to counteract with.
It is thought that the Eels are still weighing up the benefits of also selecting Nathan Hindmarsh on the bench to ease the defensive pressure on Hayne towards the end of each half and to provide some cover for injury. It may be decided, however, that since Hayne can spend the entire match defending from either marker or fullback, he won't become exhausted getting back on side and can in fact last the full eighty minutes.
Could the Newcastle Knights consider using a similar tactic with inspirational captain and fullback Kurt Gidley? It seems unlikely, due to the fact that Hayne is simply a much better player.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Round 22 NRL Special Guest Preview: RICKY PONTING
This week's previewer is Australian cricket captain and Tasmania's all-time greatest number 3 batsman without a moustache Ricky 'Punter' Ponting. Former guest writers Michael Jackson, Gordon Ramsay, Lleyton Hewitt and Brad Fittler have all been discarded after failing to tip the perfect round - League Larrikin demands results.
Panthers vs Dragons:
If Petero Civoniceva added just 5 or 6 more syllables to his name he could play for Sri Lanka. Apparently he's injured at the moment. I reckon he's just lazy - the Dragons definitely shouldn't let him have a runner.
Dragons by an innings and 147 runs.
Storm vs Cowboys:
Storm expected to be at this match, which will more than likely force 2 or 3 days to be abandoned and make a result difficult to achieve for both sides. I know the bloody feeling. Is the game being played in this puddle they call England or something?
Draw. (I hate England.)
Sea Eagles vs Rabbitohs:
They don't call me 'Punter' for nothing you know. It's because I'm a bit of a punter. See how that makes sense? Most nicknames are meaningless abbreviations like 'Hilfy' and 'Watto'. I don't bet on the NRL much, though - partly because I don't even know the rules, but mostly because I'm too busy being arrogant and stubborn.
Sea Eagles can still retain the Ashes... oops, sorry, I was just twittering at the same time and it gets confusing. I mean Sea Eagles can still retain their premiership. They'll win this by 4 wickets... points. 4 points. Ciao, Ricky (-:
Bulldogs vs Raiders:
Last year the Bulldogs came last right? Now they're ranked second? That's like Zimbabwe suddenly being good. Very suspicious if you ask me... go on ask me! Please. I think it's very suspicious.
Bulldogs to suspiciously win by 2 points with a last-minute penalty goal.
Roosters vs Tigers:
I was taught so much about captaincy from mentors such as Mark Taylor and Steve Waugh. Then I ignored the lot of it. I don't need tactical advice from anybody. Especially not old batsmen who weren't even as good as me, which is pretty much everybody except possibly Bradman. What does any of that have to do with this match? Mate I've never even heard of half these teams.
I'm going to piiiiiiiiick... Andrew Symonds! Okay Tigers.
Warriors vs Titans:
The Warriors are from New Zealand? Ha ha ha ha ha... They must be so crap. Why doesn't Tasmania have an NRL team? They'd be better than the Kiwis for sure.
Warriors to win... just joking. I love telling jokes in the slips cordon.
Eels vs Knights:
Everybody's talking about Jarryd Hayne and his fancy footwork, but does he shuffle around the crease just a little bit too much? Sure he's got a great sidestep but his front foot drive and back foot defence leave a lot to be desired in my opinion.
But the Eels wouldn't even need Hayne because the Knights have hit the wall like Mitchell Johnson.
Eels by 18.
Broncos vs Sharks:
I don't think the Broncos are playing that badly. The scoreboard doesn't necessarily tell the whole story. Yes they lost 56-0 last week but the conditions suited the Raiders at home. Brisbane can take a lot of positives out of the match. They weren't at their best with the ball, and the catching was perhaps below their usual high standards. To be honest there wasn't that much difference between the two sides. They will have a look at some options within the squad but I doubt any player's place is in danger and I'm confident this group of guys can get the job done.
All Darren Lockyer needs to do is crap on and on and on like this pretending everything is fine and nobody will realise that his team are playing like a bunch of girls. It works for me.
Broncos by 12. (Although obviously deep down I don't really believe that.)
Panthers vs Dragons:
If Petero Civoniceva added just 5 or 6 more syllables to his name he could play for Sri Lanka. Apparently he's injured at the moment. I reckon he's just lazy - the Dragons definitely shouldn't let him have a runner.
Dragons by an innings and 147 runs.
Storm vs Cowboys:
Storm expected to be at this match, which will more than likely force 2 or 3 days to be abandoned and make a result difficult to achieve for both sides. I know the bloody feeling. Is the game being played in this puddle they call England or something?
Draw. (I hate England.)
Sea Eagles vs Rabbitohs:
They don't call me 'Punter' for nothing you know. It's because I'm a bit of a punter. See how that makes sense? Most nicknames are meaningless abbreviations like 'Hilfy' and 'Watto'. I don't bet on the NRL much, though - partly because I don't even know the rules, but mostly because I'm too busy being arrogant and stubborn.
Sea Eagles can still retain the Ashes... oops, sorry, I was just twittering at the same time and it gets confusing. I mean Sea Eagles can still retain their premiership. They'll win this by 4 wickets... points. 4 points. Ciao, Ricky (-:
Bulldogs vs Raiders:
Last year the Bulldogs came last right? Now they're ranked second? That's like Zimbabwe suddenly being good. Very suspicious if you ask me... go on ask me! Please. I think it's very suspicious.
Bulldogs to suspiciously win by 2 points with a last-minute penalty goal.
Roosters vs Tigers:
I was taught so much about captaincy from mentors such as Mark Taylor and Steve Waugh. Then I ignored the lot of it. I don't need tactical advice from anybody. Especially not old batsmen who weren't even as good as me, which is pretty much everybody except possibly Bradman. What does any of that have to do with this match? Mate I've never even heard of half these teams.
I'm going to piiiiiiiiick... Andrew Symonds! Okay Tigers.
Warriors vs Titans:
The Warriors are from New Zealand? Ha ha ha ha ha... They must be so crap. Why doesn't Tasmania have an NRL team? They'd be better than the Kiwis for sure.
Warriors to win... just joking. I love telling jokes in the slips cordon.
Eels vs Knights:
Everybody's talking about Jarryd Hayne and his fancy footwork, but does he shuffle around the crease just a little bit too much? Sure he's got a great sidestep but his front foot drive and back foot defence leave a lot to be desired in my opinion.
But the Eels wouldn't even need Hayne because the Knights have hit the wall like Mitchell Johnson.
Eels by 18.
Broncos vs Sharks:
I don't think the Broncos are playing that badly. The scoreboard doesn't necessarily tell the whole story. Yes they lost 56-0 last week but the conditions suited the Raiders at home. Brisbane can take a lot of positives out of the match. They weren't at their best with the ball, and the catching was perhaps below their usual high standards. To be honest there wasn't that much difference between the two sides. They will have a look at some options within the squad but I doubt any player's place is in danger and I'm confident this group of guys can get the job done.
All Darren Lockyer needs to do is crap on and on and on like this pretending everything is fine and nobody will realise that his team are playing like a bunch of girls. It works for me.
Broncos by 12. (Although obviously deep down I don't really believe that.)
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